Departure Roulette

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS THING THAT HEINEKEN IS DOING?

The Dutch brewing company is running this new advertisement/commercial that is all about grabbing people in airports, persuading them to press a red button, and sending that person to whatever city comes up. No excuses.

I would like to do this. I graduate in May and I think I could use a good random trip to wherever a beer company wants to send me. I also can’t resist a red button, but who can? Seriously.

I want to be this girl!

I want to be this girl!

So, when I saw the commercial while watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel I immediately googled it and thought, “I should blog about this incase Heineken wants a spontaneous 28-year-old to send to Paris for a week.”

*crosses fingers*

According to this website, no actual beer is involved. That is… very disappointing.

And hey! Here is the commercial that I referenced in the second paragraph…

Woo hoo! An an article that supports my theory of blogging and being tracked down by Heineken.

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How Walgreens Makes Money From Healthier Shoppers

*tap tap tap* Is this thing on?

Uh, yeah… sorry about the lack of posts. I’ve been busy. That’s what I also tell friends that ask.

FRIEND: “ohmygod hi! How is life? What are you up to?”
ME: “Class, working on campus, and babysitting. I’ve been sooooo crazy-busy!”
FRIEND: “Are you dating anyone?”
ME: “Yes. His name is (Saint) Joseph(‘s University). I call him Joe.”

*crickets*

So. It’s not just you, WordPress followers. It’s also all of my friends/family that suffer as I complete this graduate degree. The good news is that I am almost done. Come along as I avoid doing any real homework for the time being and analyze/make fun of an article I found on Businessweek’s website.

Walgreens is now offering a stingy discount program for people that exercise. As the articles’ author points out, the math behind this new program is questionable. It limits participants to a restricted amount of exercise that they can “log” each day, which essentially restricts the accumulated credits they can use towards boxed hair dye, cough drops, and 50% off post-holiday candy.

I have five dollars that says this Easter candy is still on clearance at Target

I have five dollars that says this Easter candy is still on clearance at Target

This program was designed to show customers that Walgreens caaaaaares and wants to heeeeeeelp their customers. It was also designed to get more foot traffic into stores since apparently Walgreens saw a 2% drop recently.

ouch.

I prefer Rite-Aid, CVS, and Target anyway… probably because I cannot name a single Walgreens near me. I assume the author of the article also prefers the other stores because they misspelled the companies name 7 times. I skimmed it really fast and counted. Make that 7 times, give or take.

Learn more about the discount program by clicking here.

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Helper. It’s what’s for dinner.

Scene: suburban middle-class kitchen. A woman stands over a sick, gazing out the window in front of her. A teenage boy walks in, presumably her son. Her back is towards him.

SON: “Hey Mom, I’m home!”
MOM: “Hi honey, how was school?”
SON: “Eh, it was alright. I’m starving! What’s for dinner?”
MOM: “Helper.”
SON: “…wha…?”
MOM: “Helper. I am making Helper for dinner.”
SON: “You mean, Hamburger Helper?”
MOM: “Well, kinda. They decided to rebrand a little… change their name, update their slogan, add new offerings. You know.”
SON: “I’m going to Jason’s house for dinner. Bye.”

End Scene.

That right there is probably happening in at least two homes in America right this second. General Mills has decided to give the ole’ oven glove a facelift (much like 10 other brands that I’ve recently blogged about). No more meat-limitating name (sorry, hamburger) and now an “Ultimate” box that comes with a flavoring pouch AND two packets of pure sodium mix flavors.

Too perfect for this post.

Too perfect for this post.

This article spells it all out. Hamburger Helper isn’t as popular as it once was and sales have slipped. The company now plans to go after their target demographic of 18-30 year old (single?) men through social media. Previously, the largest consumer of Hamburger Helper was working mothers in the 1970′s. So. Way to take that off of the shoulders of a segment of the population, young-single-men.

I am putting the “single” thing in there all on my own. Like, they have to be single. Right?

As for me… I am not a man (duh), but I will purchase the occasional box of “Helper” when I don’t feel like slaving over the stove/fridge for my usual grad-school-student dinner of popcorn and a bottle of beer.

Just kidding. Sometimes I drink an Instant Breakfast instead.

Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding

Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding

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Fashionably Late

I’m slightly behind on my fast food consumption apparently, because Wendy is young and sexy now YOU GUYS!

A/S/L?

A/S/L?

It all started a couple of weeks ago when I was mindlessly watching something trashy (and awesome) on Bravo when a commercial came on…

…and I was all, “Wendy looks different.” I forgot about it for a while until I saw another commercial and realized that she did, in fact, have some work done much like the stars on my beloved trashy (and awesome) Bravo show. So, last night I emailed myself…

I get straight to the point with myself

I get straight to the point

…because I just had to blog about this, you know? That’s how writing works. Right?

So, anyway, Wendy had some (digital) plastic surgery and is looking all sorts of fine. She hasn’t been genetically modified in 29 years, unlike the food she serves millions of people everyday, which prompted the mid-life crisis. Apparently there has been a 29% increase in sales in the stores that have received an update as well. I got all my information from this article on the Business Insider website.

It’s funny because one of my least favorite stars on my trashy (and awesome) Bravo show did something very similar recently…

"Whoop it up!"

“Whoop it up!”

…and thus, two of my worlds collided and my mind was official BLOWN. Also, Wendy is copycatting Vicky Gunvalson and that is just sad.

Next Week: Wendy’s poor self-esteem.

The end. Happy Thursday.

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CEO Wanted

Ok, I had to write about this. I went onto Lululemon’s website today to “window shop” – I say that because I will for sure end up buying something. It really is inevitable when it comes to $50 tank tops and $100 hoodies. Anyway, apparently that little see-through-pants thing has cause their CEO to throw in the [sweat] towel.

I guess this means that the company is in the mood for a new head honcho? YOU BETCHA!

In fact, they are all over the place about it.

Desperate or Genius?

I had to screen capture that because I was scared they would take it down for whatever reason? I can’t decide if I like it or hate it. In one way, it is keeping things lighthearted, much like their company mojo requires. Yoga is all zen-like, right? On the other hand, how many resumes are they going to get from completely unqualified people? I thought about applying for 5 seconds before I realized that I don’t really want to live in Canada. How much press would they get for hiring a 28-year-old (TOMORROW!) CEO that is 50% done with her MBA?

Answer: SO FREAKING MUCH!

For the record, they are also promoting the job posting on Twitter and Facebook. The job description (and other wordy stuff) is hilarious. Click here to check it out.

Also, yes, my birthday is tomorrow. You can send me gift cards for $50 tank tops and $100 hoodies. Thank you.

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Certified!

Heck yes I am a nerd.

HootSuite Certified Professional

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Blog Direction

Truth Pill: I have no idea what to do with this blog anymore. I really enjoyed writing it for the 5 months that I was *strongly encouraged* to do so for my marketing class last semester. Now that the class is over, I am debating whether or not to continue it.

Internal Dialogue
“Maybe I should keep writing about marketing-related articles I find?”
“Maybe I can slowly turn it into a lifestyle blog?”
“Maybe I should ignore it for a couple of months?”
“It could be a good resume builder!”
“It could develop into something HUGE that eventually allows me to generate income from my hilarious commentary!”

…we’ll see. Positive suggestions are encouraged in the comment section.

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Do Us A Flavor

PepsiCo is having an awesome week, incase you were wondering. They are, no doubt, cracking opening some cans of Mountain Dew in celebration of how great their snack foods have been performing lately. For the record, PepsiCo owns a few well known brands: Doritos, Cheetos, SunChips, etc. They dominate the snack food market, which is a $22 billion industry. FritoLay, a subsidiary, owns 59% of that marketshare.

High. Five.

PepsiCo started the “Do Us A Flavor” campaign to allow consumers to pick/invent new flavors of Lays chips through their Facebook page. The voting ends on May 4th and is in the final round now. Judges include Eva Longoria (actress, restaurant owner, cookbook author) and Michael Symon (celebrity chef).

The final flavors include: Cheesy Garlic Bread, Sriracha, and Chicken & Waffles. The companies Chief Marketing Officer, Ann Mukherjee, says that you “will actually taste the maple syrup” in the Chicken & Waffles chips.

Um. Yummy?

I’ll stick to BBQ and Sour Cream & Onion, thankyouverymuch.

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Gourmet Cupcake Market Is Crashing

…I…um…HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING!?

Linsey + Cupcakes = Tru Luv

Linsey + Cupcakes = Tru Luv

Apparently the love affair with cupcakes is over. The spark is dying. The relationship is all but done-zo!

This is very sad to hear.

The realization occurred when Crumbs Bake Shop (based in NY) went public in June 2011 at $13 per share. Now the company is trading at $1.70 per share as of last Friday. I think it is safe to bet that the companies executives are drowning their sorrows in many dark chocolate cupcakes.

Crumbs is blaming, of all things, Hurricane Sandy. Investment bankers are blaming the death of a trend.

I was expecting this, to be honest. Even on popular wedding blogs that I follow (don’t you dare judge me), the dessert trend has gone from cakes and cupcakes to donuts and pies.

I love all for the record.

In short, the market got over saturated. Cupcake boutiques started popping up everywhere. An ex-boyfriend of mine and I used to frequent one in downtown Philly when we were together. Then we broke up and I realized that I could make essentially the same thing in my own kitchen with store-bought ingredients… and save myself approximately $30-$40 on two dozen cupcakes.

But alas, I will be in DC next weekend and you’d better believe that I will be handing $4 to the cashier at Georgetown Cupcake for one serving of deliciousness. I don’t believe that some cupcake bakeries will go away entirely, a vast majority of them will just crumble away like a very dry confectionary good.

Michael Serruya agrees with me. He owns 1,300 global frozen yogurt stores. “I don’t believe that [the cupcake trend is dying] for a second,” he said. “This category isn’t going away, the category is here to stay. We wouldn’t have committed our money to this deal, if we believed otherwise.”

Now, if only the fro-yo trend would die. Ice cream is way better.

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Lululemon Stretches To Protect Its Brand

A few days ago I realized that I didn’t really have any summer workout clothes. I started getting into running again last semester and properly stuffed a dresser drawer with many pairs of tight pants and tank tops. Then, last week, it hit 80 degrees and I noticed I only had two pairs of running soccer shorts.

#fail

Today I found myself with two hours to kill before class, so I stopped by my local City Sports location. I got shorts and tank tops and tshirts and a smile on my face. I then walked across the shopping center and went into Lululemon.

Recently lulu has experienced some negative PR due to their see-through yoga pants. Oopsie daisy. The mistake has cost the luxury athletic company revenue and has hurt its stock price. Aside from “see through pants-gate”, the brand sued Calvin Klein in 2012 and then had some issues with their logo being copied against trademark patents… by themselves AND others. Oy vey.

Needless to say, but lulu is having issues with their brand at the moment. Wendy Goffe, a trusts and estates lawyer, recently guest posted an article on Forbes. The following is my translation.

*ahem*

Dear Lululemon,

Hey girl! What’s up? I hear you’ve been having some trouble lately? Aw, shucks. I’m sorry to hear that. How about you follow these rules and see what happens? Deal?

1. Protect your logo. Use it ALL THE TIME. Don’t be shy.
2. Don’t be boring with your brand. Also, protect your brand. All of it.
3. Sue the crap out of people that try to use your logo or design. Make some bucks and then send me some some complimentary running jackets because I don’t have $125 to spend on that. Thank you.
4. If you mess up, acknowledge and correct the issue super fast.
5. Be consistent with your logo. You can’t modify your own logo just so it looks cuter on a t-shirt. Don’t play games, Lu.

xo,

Linsey

Namaste

Namaste

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